Jon Stovall

WHAT THE SHARPS ARE SAYING…

(+800) The Stoviet Missile has been cleared for takeoff once again. A three-time Champion, Chairman of the Crypto Committee, and proud father of a future Cupper, Stovie returns in search of championship number four — a feat no player in Random Cup history has ever accomplished.

Where he's chasing it from, however, is classified. Stovie slipped out of town in the dead of night to an undisclosed location, and by all accounts he's been grinding ever since — though on exactly what, no one can say. His game? His guitar solos? Intelligence remains inconclusive. The Random Cup surveillance drones were dispatched and returned with nothing usable; the Missile, it seems, has gone dark. What the Press Office can confirm is this: wherever he is, he'll emerge battle-tested, pressure-tested, and ready.

Because that's the thing about Stovie — nobody launches it farther, and few have been more lethal when it matters, earning a place in the final group five of the last six years. The oddsmakers continue to like his chances, and history suggests they should. If the Missile comes back flying straight, everyone else is playing defense, and a fourth jacket may already have his name in it.what’s in the bag?

THE OFFICIAL FILE
Jon Stovall
Submitted to the Random Cup Press Office. Reviewed for accuracy. Accuracy not guaranteed.

OCCUPATION (AS DECLARED)
FT Dad
The Committee recognizes this as both a full-time position and a respectable excuse for limited practice.

KNOWN HABITAT
Fishing with Willie
No further location information was provided. Consistent with the subject's known preference for undisclosed locations.

SELF-ASSESSMENT OF GAME
"What is golf?"
Three jackets suggest he eventually figured it out.

NON-CONFORMING BAG CONTENTS
Cobwebs
The Equipment Committee has ruled this a maintenance issue rather than a Rules issue, and consistent with a bag that has seen limited recent use.

THE RECORD, CORRECTED
Widely believed: that he has never watched a WNBA game.
Stated for the record: he quietly follows the Washington Mystics and can name the starting five.
The Press Office has elected not to verify this claim, out of respect for everyone involved.

SUNDAY THREAT ASSESSMENT
Least wants to see one shot ahead: Parlos
An answer delivered without hesitation.

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK PROTOCOL
"In bed by 8:30."
One of the Championship's few remaining professionals.

STATED LEGACY OBJECTIVE
"When Random Cup XIV is over, everyone will remember me for hitting bombs OB."
The longest hitter in the field has, for the record, named distance and out-of-bounds in the same sentence. Lateral relief is expected to be invoked.

FILE STATUS: OPEN

WHATS IN THE BAG?

RANDOM CUP MISSILE DEFENSE MINISTER AND 3 TIME CHAMP 2013, 2017 AND 2019

VITALS

Age: 50's
Height: 5'10"
Hometown: Rockville, MD
Resides: The Foot Hills, MD
Plays Out Of: His Hot Tub
Turned Random Cup: 2013
Jackets: 3 — 2013, 2017, 2019
Special Interests: Fishing with Willie · Washington Mystics